An
elderly gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French Customs
desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on
bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the
customs officer asked, sarcastically. The elderly gentleman admitted he had
been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your
passport Ready." The Canadian said, "The last time I was here,
I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. Canadians always have to
show their passports on arrival in France!"
The
Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard Look. Then he quietly
explained. "Well, when I came ashore
on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any Frenchmen
to show it to!"
A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about
his days in
the air force
"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans
had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day
I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers
appeared.
(At this point, several of the children giggle.)
I
looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot
him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another
fokker behind me."
At
this instant the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start
to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point
out that 'Fokker' was the name of the German-Dutch aircraft company"
"That's true," says the pilot, "but
these fokkers were flying Messerschmidts."
World War II Ace?
It seems that a young man volunteered for military service during World War
II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to
Pensecola skipping boot camp.
The very first day at Pensecola he solos and is the best flier
on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him
immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.
On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot
down 6 Japanese Zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft. he found 9 more Japanese
planes and shot them all down, too.
Noting
that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and
came in for a perfect landing on the deck. He threw back the canopy,
climbed out and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly he said, "Well
sir, how did I do on my very first day?"
The
captain replied, "You make one velly impoltant
mistake!"
HEADQUARTERS
LAST U.S. ARMY
APO 001. U.S. ARMY
AG 4110.99 (DEBCA)
20 September 1944
SUBJECT : Indoctrination for Return to U.S.
TO : All Units.
A. In compliance with current policies for rotation of armed forces overseas
it is directed that in order to maintain the high standard of character of
the American Soldier and to prevent any dishonor to reflect on the uniform
all individuals eligible for return to the U.S. under current directives will
undergo an indoctrination course of demilitarisation prior to approval of his
application for return.
B. The following points will be emphasized in the subject indoctrination
course:-
In
America there is a remarkable number of beautiful girls. These young
ladies have not been liberated and many are gainfully employed as stenographers,
sales girls, beauty operators or welders. Contrary to current practice
they should not be approached with, "How much?" A proper greeting is, "Isn't
it a lovely day?" or, "Have you ever been to Chicago?" Then say, "How much?"
A
guest in a private home is usually awakened in the morning by a light
tapping on his door, and an invitation to join the host at breakfast.
It is proper to say, "I'll be there shortly." DO NOT say, "Blow it out
your _____."
A
typical American breakfast consists of such strange foods as cantaloupes,
fresh eggs, milk, ham, etc. These are highly palatable and though strange
in appearance are extremely tasty. Butter, made from cream, is often
served. If you wish some butter, you turn to the person nearest it and
say quietly, "Please
pass the butter." DO NOT say, "Throw me the godam grease."
Very
natural urges are apt to occur when in a crowd. If it is found necessary
to defecate, one does NOT grab a shovel in one hand and paper in the
other and run for the garden. At least 90% of American homes have one
room called the "Bathroom," i.e. a room that, in most cases, contains
a bathtub, wash basin, medicine cabinet, and a toilet. It is the latter
that you will use in this case. (Instructors should make sure that all
personnel understand the operation of toilet, particularly the lever or
button arrangement that serves to prepare the device for reuse).
In the event the helmet is retained by the individual, he will refrain
from using it as a chair, wash bowl, foot bath or bathtub. All these devices
are furnished in the average American Home. It is not considered good practice
to squat Indian fashion in a corner in the event all chairs are occupied.
The host usually will provide suitable seats.
Belching
or passing wind in company is strictly frowned upon. If you should forget
about it, however, and belch in the presence of others, a proper remark
is, "Excuse me." DO NOT say, "It must be that lousy chow
we've been getting."
American
dinners, in most cases, consist of several items, each served in a separate
dish. The common practice of mixing various items, such as corn-beef
and pudding, or lima beans and peaches, to make it more palatable will
be refrained from. In time the "Separate Dish" system will
become enjoyable.
Americans
have a strange taste for stimulants. The drinks in common usage on the
Continent, such as under-ripe wine, alcohol and grapefruit juice, or
gasoline bitters and water (commonly known by the French as "Cognac")
are not usually acceptable in civilian circles. A suitable use for such drinks
is for serving one's landlord in order to break an undesirable lease.
The
returning soldier is apt to find often that his opinions differ from
those of his civilian associates. One should call upon his reserve etiquette
and correct his acquaintance with such remarks as, "I believe you have made
a mistake," or, "I am afraid you are in error on that." DO NOT say, "Brother,
you're really f----d up." This is considered impolite.
Upon
leaving a friend's home after a visit, one may find his hat misplaced.
Frequently it has been placed in a closet. One should turn to one's host
and say, "I don't seem to have my hat. Could you help me find it?" DO NOT
say, "Don't anybody leave this room, some S.O.B. has stolen my hat."
In traveling in the U.S., particularly in a strange city, it is often necessary
to spend the night. Hotels are provided for this purpose and almost anyone
can give directions to the nearest hotel. Here, for a small sum, you can
register and be shown to a room where he can sleep for the night. The present
practice of entering the nearest house, throwing the occupants into the yard
and taking over the premises will cease.
Whiskey, a common American drink, may be offered to the soldier on social
occasions. It is considered a reflection on the uniform to snatch the bottle
from the hostess and drain the bottle, cork and all. All individuals are
cautioned to exercise extreme control in these circumstances.
In
motion picture theaters seats are provided. Helmets are not required.
In is NOT considered good form to whistle every time a female over 8
and under 80 crosses the screen. If vision is impaired by the person
in the seat in front, there are plenty of other seats which can be occupied.
DO NOT hit him across the back of the head and say, "Move your head, jerk,
I can't see a damn thing."
It is not proper to go around hitting everyone of draft age in civilian
clothes. He might have been released from the service for medical reasons.
Ask for his credentials, and if he can't show any THEN go ahead and slug
him.
Upon
retiring, one will often find a pair of pajamas laid out on the bed.
(Pajamas, it should be explained, are two-piece garments which are donned
after all clothing has been removed.) The soldier, confronted by these
garments, should assume an air of familiarity and not act as though he
were not used to them. A casual remark such as, "My, what a delicate shade of blue" will
usually suffice. Under NO circumstances say, "How in hell do you expect me
to sleep in a get-up like that?"
Natural functions will continue. It may frequently be necessary to urinate.
DO NOT walk behind the nearest tree or automobile you find to accomplish
this. Toilets (see 2d above) are provided in all public buildings for this
purpose.
Beer is sometimes served in bottles. A cap remover is usually available,
and it is not good form to open the bottle by the use of one's teeth.
Always tip your hat before striking a lady.
Air raids and enemy patrols are not encountered in America. Therefore it
is not necessary to wear the helmet in church or at social gatherings, or
to hold the weapon at ready, loaded and cocked, when talking to civilians
in the street.
Every American home and all hotels are equipped with bathing facilities.
When it is desired to take a bath, it is not considered good form to find
the nearest pool or stream, strip down, and indulge in a bath. This is particularly
true in heavily populated areas.
All individuals returning to the U.S. will make every effort to conform
to the customs and habits of the regions visited, and to make themselves
as inconspicuous as possible. Any actions which reflect upon the honor of
the uniform will be promptly dealt with.
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